Ouch

ABNA Publishers Weekly Reviewer

In her first acting class at a New England college, Naya meets Etash and fights the tremendous pull of fate. It is impossible to miss the heavy-handed similarities between these two and the original star-crossed lovers, Romeo and Juliet. Naya is reading the play in the Movement for Actors classroom on the day of their first meeting, and so is Etash. They are selected as the leads in a silent dance version of the play. Etash is the opposite of Naya’s blond beau, Seth, a stereotypical boyfriend from hell. When Etash reads about twin flames, two halves of the same soul, he believes that his soul may have a twin. However, the lovers are scarred, and so damaged is Naya that it is difficult to believe she can function. Ever the victim, she tolerates Seth’s abuse and puts herself in danger all the while longing for her “Twin Flame.” The pacing and prose are stronger than the story, and the settings are well described. However, competent writing cannot save a hackneyed plot that telegraphs its ending from the first chapters.
Hackneyed.  I’ll be honest, I had to look it up.  It means:
to make trite, common, or stale by frequent use
or
a trotting horse used for drawing a light carriage or the like
I’m guessing it’s the first one.  So I’m predictable?  Then why do so many of my readers tell me the ending shocked them? Confused. Oh well. I knew my  book would not be for everyone. It’s for the romantics at heart. Clearly not this reader. And that is okay.
On the positive side, they DID say “competent writing” so there is that! Right??? RIGHT???
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I'm a work at home mom currently raising two small children all while working on lots of new novels

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6 comments on “Ouch
  1. Amy Miles says:

    The problem with this competition is they probably didn’t even make it all the way to the ending. What they felt was a predictable story line really does take a nice twist at the end. Pity.

  2. Judi E. says:

    Critics !!! A new one born everyday…….keep on writing – you have eager readers.

  3. Ia Uaro says:

    Danielle.
    The key words are “competent writing” – that’s a big praise. The plot? Get professional assessment from an expert (or have you before ABNA?). The smart one will give you full manuscript assessment worth your money. You’ll know exactly which parts to develop/reduce – unlike the vague review above.
    Keep in touch.
    Hugs.

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