Dear online dating dudes…

*This post shall serve as a public service announcement for men on dating sites.*

Since my online dating post reached more viewers than my colonoscopy prep (but only barely, which is kind of scary how many people care about the inside of my colon) I thought I’d do a follow up post. It’s now been few days of this ‘experience’ and I have a several friends going through this journey with me on their own sites and they all concur with this list. So with that in mind, we bring you online dating do’s and don’ts.

We’ll start with the don’ts.  Men, please don’t:

*Stick your tongue out in your profile pic. No one wants to see that.

*Have a blurry picture. That’s sideways. OR Have NO picture or just a black square. That’s creepy.

*Have wonky facial hair. A trimmed beard or goatee is perfectly fine, but anything beyond that, no. Just. No.

*Start a conversation with a gazillion typos. One here or there is fine but try not to be drunk when you make that first impression.

*Have a hat on in every picture. If you are bald, just show us. It’s fine, really. Just be honest.

*Hold a beer in all 62 of your photos.

*Call me beautiful, sexy, gorgeous on a first message. You don’t know me well enough to say those things. It just feels pervy. Save that for later, m’kay?

*Say you’re 40 when your profile picture is CLEARLY 50, 60.

*Be a player. Two of us going through this hell are on the same site, and we compare notes.

Now, having said all of that, please do:

*Smile in your picture. (Yes dating can be hell, but no one wants to date Davey Downer)

*Post a RECENT and REAL picture of you.

*Respect the profile our profile requests. If we say no 20 year olds, that’s what we mean. If we say we are looking for men in the AREA, it means in our same State and not like, the UK for instance.

That’s it. Easy, right? So easy I need this glass of wine to check my account.


Danielle Bannister, Author and wine drinker (this week especially)


3 thoughts on “Dear online dating dudes…”

  1. I love your posts and even though I haven’t “been there”, I feel your pain. And, might I add to the dudes: always wear a shirt. Even on fb, wear a damn shirt. This is a profile, not a shoot for a calendar; so wear clothes! Especially when we can’t see both hands in your profile pic. Exactly what ARE you doing with that unseen hand? Wait, I don’t want to know. lol

    I think everyone on dating sights should just post their ugliest, fattest, baldest photo. If you’re an ax murderer, maybe include the ax in the photo as well. That way there’s no surprises. Just set the expectations low and it will be a pleasant surprise when you’re better in person.

    Good luck!

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