Open letter to my kids new step-mom

My ex-husband is getting married on Saturday. What is to follow will not be an open rant about how he’s marrying a woman half his age, or that I am somehow bitter that he’s found love before me and moved on. No. Quite the opposite. This is an open letter to his bride, Leah. An official ‘welcome’ to her as we blend our families. I would have told her this at her wedding, because they invited me, but I told them I would not be attending. Not because I would be sad or upset, but rather, I wanted to make sure their day was about them. I didn’t want to take any focus of their day, and trust me, if an ex-wife is at your wedding, people would take notice. Intentionally or not, so I am giving her my wedding gift here.

Leah is my friend. Yup. She was before they got together, too. Hell, I was the officiant to her first wedding. Her daughter from her first marriage is adorable and she truly loves my ex. Something he totally deserves. I mean, LOOK. Look how stinkin’ happy they look together!

happy couple

She’s also about to become my two kiddos step-mother. Now, it would be a normal, typical reaction to have your feather’s ruffled at sharing that title with another woman, but I have never been normal. And so, it is to my children’s new step-mom that I dedicated today’s blog to.

Dear Leah;

I want to be included in the long line of well-wishers on celebrating your wedding. I want you to know how happy I am for the two of y ou. I think you know. I hope you do.

I also want you to know how blessed I feel knowing that my children have you in their lives. Sure, we have different parenting styles, and house rules, but the root of all we do, comes from a genuine love of those kiddos. My children adore you, and your daughter. They have told me how happy they are that we all get along so well, unlike so many of their friend’s families. They have adjusted to this divided family with such ease and comfort that it often boggles the mind. I think we’re doing something right. 🙂 Even as two separate families (who occasionally take blended family trips to Fun Town/Splash Town in Saco or go Trick-or-Treating as one big awkward family) we both know instinctively, that the happiness of those kiddos is, by far, the most important thing there is. Little good has ever come from being angry and bitter. And why would I be either of those things? You have brought joy, not only into my kiddos life, but into Jason’s.  I couldn’t have asked for a better woman for that job. Seriously. I am truly happy for the fairy tale ending the two of you are having. (Don’t worry. I’ll get mine… and if not, I’ll keep writing about them. hehe)

Because you two are going to NY on your honeymoon to see Wicked (totally jealous about that by the way) I will end this letter with words from one of the best songs in the show: “Who can say if I have been changed for the better, but because I knew you, I have been changed for good.”

Congrats and hugs on your joyous day! Can’t wait to see the pictures!

Danielle Bannister, Author and co-parent


4 thoughts on “Open letter to my kids new step-mom”

  1. Danielle,
    This absolutely gave me goosebumps. Not because it was exceptionally deep or impressively written, but because if this world was filled with more people like you, we wouldn’t have the problems that we do. You and Leah are shaping the future generation to be a more stable, positive force to be reckoned with. I am so proud to call you my jamsister and my friend. I love you!

  2. It is something I hope Dear Hubby, His X and her Dear Hubby, and I have been able to do over the last 38 years. Working together is infinitely easier than fighting against each other. Those kids are very lucky to have all of you in their lives.

    Pam Purtle

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